As a child, I used to be very sparkly, even as a tomboy.
I really tried be the ‘good girl’ (though often fell short) and tried my best to “fit in” to new schools, groups of friends and cultures, which because of my dad’s changing job every couple of years, I ended up doing a lot. It’s taken me a long time to ditch that mindset of having to “fit in”. The pressure to ‘do well’, ‘be the good girl’ translated into first exam, then work stress. I never quite felt good enough, even when I did what I thought was expected of me.
I tried my best to be happy, though that was mostly at weekends and on holiday. Stress started affecting my daily life; chocolate got me through workdays, alcohol through the evenings. My health started to suffer, but I just took the pills (and steroid injections) to numb my physical back and emotional pain.
“Difficulties come when you don’t pay attention to life’s whisper. Life always whispers to you first, but if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you’ll get a scream” Oprah Winfrey.
My ’whisper’ were a hiatus hernia and slipped disk. Did I listen? No, because at no point did I even consider that my emotional pain might be showing up as physical pain. Until the scream came.
From a young age I had known I was going to be a mum, I hadn’t even contemplated a life without them. So when after 3 years and no physical reason for me not conceiving, my doctor asked me was I under any stress, I started to question my way of being.
Of course now I know so much more about stress. Why would anyone want to get pregnant when they’re constantly running away from or fighting the (proverbial) tiger? I am hugely grateful that yes, my dream of becoming a mum did become true (twice, the second came along a little quicker than the first!) and so has my dream of doing a job I enjoy, where I don’t have to fit in. And I get to help people realise their dreams too!
