Anxiety has been my companion since before I can remember.
Sometimes she whispers in my ear. Mostly she shouts so loudly that I can feel her panic rising in me.
“Don’t speak up. Don’t do anything that gets you noticed. Blend in. You need to hide your true self. ”
I have a few memories of blending in, but the fear always felt like it ran deeper. I just didn’t know how deep.
Anxiety is defined as a reaction to a perceived threat or danger. And yet for me, that danger has felt so real. A fear of impending judgement that did not end in a good way.
If I can’t or choose not to stay quiet, to blend in, that anxious part of me ‘helps’ me through my feelings; frozen legs, churning stomach, fear rising to my throat, rendering me incapable of speaking. She warns me that if we do speak, we are going to die. Alone, powerless and unsupported. Better to stay quiet, hidden, safe.
No conscious memory to substantiate the depth of that fear. But it feels real nonetheless.
So we stay quiet, safe, in the shadows. Even though we have an inner spark, a knowing, that we are meant to shine, to be the light.
Sometimes it starts to feel quite comfortable in the shadows. It feels safe. And yet I know what can happen when the fire that burns inside isn’t set free. Many who came before us were physically burned. We know others dear to us, whose inner fire has burned them up inside. Anxiety became depression and then dementia. A final place of safety.
And yet we are learning and remembering the need for us to rise with courage. Something bigger than us that keeps us going. A spark of something that helps us achieve milestones, climb mountains that for others seem like pebbles. Sometimes courage walks alongside us, holding our hand. Whispering words of encouragement to us as – together – we walk step by step.
In recent times, courage has even been inviting us to step inside her. Which feels supportive and yet liberating. Safe and yet free.
Together, courage and I have been listening to and speaking with anxiety. Tempting as it may be to ignore her, manage her, tell her to be quiet. Because we are acknowledging her as part of us. When she starts to panic, we let her know she’s safe. We’ve got her. We give her a hug. She is realising that just as fear runs through every fibre of her being, so does courage.
And as courage rises, other parts of us are waking up. Remembering and learning to come together to honour and step into the strength of our feminine consciousness.
The thought of speaking up, of stepping into our wild, intuitive feminine self, can bring with it a fear of danger, judgement, betrayal and even a very painful death. It’s a strong field of feminine energy that affects many of us without realising it.
And yet, we can also choose to tune into the courageous, intuitive, wild, loving, strong supportive feminine energy of those women I now know are with us. Supporting us, giving us the courage to say what they could not, to be who they were unable to be. To finish what they started… and more. For ourselves and those who are yet to come.
The more we remember our courage to speak, write, share, love, the more our inner knowing, our intuitive, wild, passionate self emerges and expands. Naturally, without force. Many know her as She. I’m just getting to know her.
Sometimes we may not know exactly what we are here to do. That’s been my story for a long time. I didn’t know that I just needed to go within.
So many people talk of it and yet for me, within was where the fear was. I didn’t know that courage, intuition, the real me lived there too. She was just hiding.
It’s time to set her free.
So, for now my mission, my passion, is to give hope. That together we CAN step out of our anxious, afraid, stress, overwhelmed self into our courageous, wild, loving, powerful, shiny (insert your own word here) self. And remembering that she may be different every day. Because we are, after all, cyclical creatures. Which again, I am only starting to realise is a beautiful thing to be treasured and not to be masked, battled or numbed away.
It’s time for us to bring more balance to the world. We were born to do this. Together.
So, if the anxious part of you is rising, how about asking courage to rise too? To walk beside you. To invite you to step into her. A little more each day.
Could you imagine, even for a moment, what it would feel like to step into your courageous self? To become her?
What clarity, knowing, would come to you?
What advice would she have for the anxious part of you?
It could be a word, a feeling, an image, a song. Or silence. Or something could come to you over time. I invite you to stay open, to hope and trust.
And on the darker days, I invite you to treat yourself with compassion. To walk in nature, to become conscious of your breath, talk, journal, ask for guidance, a sign (that you will recognise) or give yourself the gift to just be.
Know that I and the countless women who came before you are with you. If you choose to invite us in. To support you – for your highest good, that of those around you and the collective.
We are all One.
Sending love, light, support and courage your way. xx