Letting go of the guilt of self-care

By March 5, 2018 Women

With Mother’s Day coming up, I’m thinking of self-care and, more particularly self-love.

Which I’m only just starting to get into, because for so long just the thought of it brought up feelings of guilt.  A recent article really spoke to me about how particularly we as women are taught from an early age to put everyone else first. Yup, that’s me. My mum did it and so that’s what how I was ‘taught’ to behave.

And I’m pretty good at it. I mean, even the juiciest strawberry goes to my kids or my husband, because my subconscious childhood programming tells me it would just be so self-absorbed and selfish for me to keep it to myself.

Then there are the feelings of guilt that I gained from my religious upbringing and which was also used as a technique (and often last resort) by my parents to keep my rebellious streak in line, so I would be the ‘good girl’.

So that’s what’s stopping me from practising self-care and self-love.

What’s stopping you from taking time out to replenish your energy?

I can’t give if I’m running on empty and if I don’t love myself, how can I fully know how to love? For me, if I’ve given away too much of my energy throughout the month without replenishing it or asking for help when I need it, it comes out as PMS. All those times I’ve felt annoyed and held it in, or not taken time out for me, results in me feeling very tired and very grumpy at that certain time of the month. If you’ve ever wondered why you, or your partner, feel better some months and worse others, I invite you to keep a diary and see whether there’s a pattern. And if you notice one, you’ve taken that first step to feeling better the next month.

And for those women who don’t have a traditional cycle, try using the moon cycle as a guide.

So, what could you do to change how you feel about self-care, or voicing your feelings when you’re feeling calmer instead of when your oestrogen drops and you turn into the wild woman? Who I like a lot by the way, but I much prefer channelling that energy in a positive way.

Instead of feeling guilty about self-care, what if you knew that taking time out for you is not only good for you, but also for those around you? Would that take a little of the guilt away? For me, sometimes it can be simple things like – this month – delegating the job of clearing the table to the kids in the evening so I can be in a better frame of mind at bedtime. Instead of tidying up in a huff and then having a rant when it is that time of the month, I’m taking action to make it happen – consistently – throughout the month, to voice my feelings and need for support when my energy is low. I might even remind them of the wild woman who came out the other day…

The bonus of me taking this action is that I’m empowering my boys too…

Sometimes you can turn your low energy into higher vibrational energy simply by being aware of it, stopping just for a moment and setting the intention to change it, by thinking of the opposite feeling and colour.

Sometimes sitting with those low thoughts and being open to tuning into what’s behind it can change your awareness.

Tapping through those emotions to get to your inner knowing can be pretty magical.

So what action could you take to let go of some of that guilt around self-care?

And what act of self-care could you do right now?

Maybe listening to your favourite song, joining a yoga class, going for a walk or reading a few pages of a book you’ve been meaning to get to?

Start with baby steps and before you know it, you might just be taking time out for a whole weekend of self-care…

And if that seems like an impossibility, I invite you to reach for the stars!

With love and sparkles

Andrea
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Andrea Bird

Author Andrea Bird

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